Bathroom Battles
by Arhazivory
Summary: Clark and Lois go head to head over a....toothbrush?


TITLE: Bathroom Battles

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: Clark and Lois go head to head over….a toothbrush?? (First Fanfic ever so go easy)

Set somewhere between Seasons 4 and 5.

DISCLAIMER: I will not pretend to own the characters of Smallville. I wish I owned Clark but I don't…(sighs) This is written to merely satisfy my thirst for CLOIS

"SMALLVILE!!!!"

Clark groaned loudly in response to the harsh shriek, that was the voice of Lois Lane. _Damn this super hearing, _he thought to himself as he stood beneath the shower. Every morning since Lois had begun staying with the Kents, the bathroom war was waged. It was the same routine, the same battle strategies and the same screams of frustration from whoever was unlucky enough to not make it to the bathroom first.

"I swear to God farm-boy," Lois said menacingly, "if you don't get out of the shower, you and Clark Jr. are both going to regret it." Clark inwardly cringed at the mention of his….umm….son. _Must she always bring that up, _he sighed to himself and as if in response to his thoughts- "Yes Smallville, I can see you blushing from out here."

"Lo-is!"

"What?!"

"There's a standpipe outside if you're really desperate."

Silence met Clark's statement and he quickly x-rayed the door and grinned from ear to ear when he saw Lois - the great retorter - standing open-mouthed on the other side of the door. She didn't stay outside long however, within seconds the bathroom door was opened and Lois stood staring at the curtain that separated her from Clark Kent. _Uh-oh_, he thought, _I'm in for it now_, yet he could not help grinning because as much as they sparred with each other, he would never give up these battles. In a lot of ways, they made him forget his insecurities and allowed him to relax.

He pulled the shower curtain and allowed himself enough width to push his head through. There stood Lois Lane, fixing him with a deadly stare that in no way matched her pyjamas and bunny slippers. Clark put on his best innocent expression and stared at her.

"What?" he asked sheepishly.

"Uh, uh…" she sputtered

"I'm sorry Lois, I don't know what you're trying to say."

"Oh….don't you dare act like you're perplexed Smallville," she scolded, "you know what you said."

"I was just making a sugg-" any other words were prevented by a huge towel that smacked Clark square on the head. "Ow, Lois that hurt." Of course he felt nothing but that would remain his secret.

"Serves you right Farm-Boy." She smiled proudly to herself and moved towards the wash basin to brush her teeth. "Now get out of there!" Clark had to prevent himself from laughing out loud fully when he heard her mutter under her breath... "standpipe".

He turned off the shower and wrapped the towel that had caused his mild head injury around his waist then stepped out of the shower. He was about to make another standpipe comment when he looked closely at Lois brushing her teeth.

"Hey!" he exclaimed loudly, "you're using my toothbrush!" Lois looked over at him in confusion and continued her ritual.

"Lois, that's just gross."

"Ich Nojjj yiuo twootvursh."

"Of course it's my toothbrush," he replied to her seemingly nonsensical words. She paused long enough to spit before turning to him and fixing him with a haughty stare.

"I repeat Smallville, this is my toothbrush." Clark screwed up his face as he watched her getting her saliva all over his toothbrush.

"Fwar Gawjj's shakes," Lois said as she met his eyes in the mirror, "ichs nawwt syures."

"Huh?"

_SPIT _"I said that it's not yours!"

He moved towards her and grabbed another toothbrush from the holder and held it up to her. "This is yours Lois." He used it to point to the one she was about to put in her mouth, "that, is mine."

Her eyes narrowed and she grabbed the one he held. _SPIT_. She peered closely at it. _SPIT_. She looked keenly at the one she was using. _SPIT_. They were both blue. _RINSE_. They both looked very similar. _SPIT_ Two Colgate toothbrushes. _RINSE_. Momentarily confused, she started turning them to get a better look at all angles. _SPIT_. Then she noticed. _SPIT_. At the base of the one she was brushing with there was a red circle that was not on Lois Lane's toothbrush.

_**SPIT SPIT SPIT SPIT. **_

"SMALLVILLE!!!!" Water could not go into her mouth fast enough.

_SPIT SPIT SPIT RINSE_

Clark stood aside and watched Lois, wondering to himself how long they had both been using the same toothbrush. Sure, Lois was a great sparring partner and their battles were engaging and invigorating, but he wasn't sure about this new step in their relationship. He suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to join Lois Lane in her rinse fest, but as he was about to reach for the mouthwash, a petite hand beat him to it. She turned the bottle up her mouth.

"Lois you're not supposed to drink that!" Clark reached for the bottle and was surprised at how fast Lois moved to defend it. _Is Jorel sure I'm the last Kryptonian_, he thought to himself. Lois in the meantime took on the pose of a warrior. The bottle held high above her head as her eyes dared him to try and take it from her.

"Back up Smallville, this bottle is mine." Her tone was deadly.

That did it for Clark, he forgot all about the bond they now shared, the fact that Lois had been using his toothbrush for God knows how long, and he laughed. His laugh was so unexpected that for a moment Lois just looked at him in shock. They say laughter is contagious which was apparently the case, because Lois suddenly found herself laughing. By this time Clark was sitting on the bathroom floor still clad only in a towel and laughing. She sunk beside him still holding the bottle of mouthwash that was now half full.

Between fits of laughter, Clark looked over at her. "You're gonna get sick….from….drinking…"

"I know," she laughed even harder, "this whole time we've been using the…same…"

"Toothbrush," they both said together. Then it seemed to hit them again and both faces wore an expression of disgust.

"Chloe must never find out about this!" Lois said solemnly and Clark quickly nodded his head in agreement.

"She'd never allow us to hear the end of it."

"That she won't do Smallville, we'd be the butt of all her jokes."

"I still can't believe it," Clark said "Ew."

Lois laughed and as Clark turned his head to look at her, he suddenly took note of their positions. Somewhere among the laughing fits, his left hand had ended up on Lois' right thigh and she was leaning against him. As he inclined his head to look at her, she turned hers up towards him. The laugh died in her throat and Clark suddenly realized that the bathroom was far too small and there was about an inch of space between their two faces. A lump suddenly developed in his throat as everything around him was forgotten except a pair of hazel eyes. At that moment nothing seemed to matter except closing that damned space between his lips and hers.

"There you are," came the sudden voice of Martha Kent, and the two bodies on the floor flew into standing positions. Martha raised an eyebrow, "what's going on? I was searching for both of you."

"Nothing Mom."

"Nothing Mrs. Kent" They both said at once and a little too swiftly to ease Martha's suspicions. Martha raised a second eyebrow and regarded them both. Lois became uneasy and quickly excused herself for coffee, only pausing to shove the mouthwash into Clark's hands. Martha smiled to herself and headed out of the bathroom, leaving Clark standing with the mouthwash in wonder. _What the hell just happened?_ He visibly shook himself, put the mouthwash back in place and left the bathroom.

"I'm going to need another toothbrush," he muttered, and pulled the bathroom door to a close.

THE END


End file.
